:PROPERTIES:
:ID: 6ceed649-7b98-409d-b18e-ecd7fd14203f
:CREATED: [2009-06-04 Thu 11:19]
:IMPORTED: [2023-02-08 Wed 19:22]
:MODIFIED: [2017-02-21 Tue 17:37]
:END:
#+title: Outhouse Guide to World Religions
#+filetags: humor public

| Taoism                 | Shit happens.                                                                            |
| Confucianism           | Confucius says, "Shit Happens."                                                          |
| Buddhism               | If shit happens, it isn't really shit.                                                   |
| Islam                  | If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.                                                |
| Hinduism               | This shit happened before.                                                               |
| Mormonism              | This shit is going to happen again.                                                      |
| Beginning Zen          | What is the sound of shit happening?                                                     |
| Advanced Zen           | Shit is, and is not.                                                                     |
| Calvinism              | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.                                         |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happen to us?                                                  |
| Catholicism            | Shit happens because you are bad.                                                        |
| Karma                  | If shit happens, you deserve it                                                          |
| Protestantism          | Let this shit happen to someone else.                                                    |
| Stoicism               | This shit is good for me.                                                                |
| Christian Science      | Shit is only in your imagination.                                                        |
| Seventh Day Adventist  | No shit on Saturdays.                                                                    |
| Hedonism               | There isn't anything like a good shit happening.                                         |
| Moonies                | Only happy shit happens.                                                                 |
| Hare Krishna           | Shit happens rama rama.                                                                  |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happen to us?                                                  |
| Davidians              | Let's shoot and burn our own shit.                                                       |
| Church of Scientology  | Purge yourself of harmful shit - only $50,000                                            |
| Shinto                 | Chop the shit.                                                                           |
| Russian Orthodox       | Holy shit (no more communism!)                                                           |
| Agnostic               | Not sure about shit.                                                                     |
| Shaolin                | Destroy bad shits with Kung Fu.                                                          |
| Existentialism         | What is shit, anyway?                                                                    |
| Atheism                | What shit?                                                                               |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happen to us?                                                  |
| Presbyterian           | This shit was bound to happen.                                                           |
| Episcopalian           | It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.            |
| Methodist              | It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.               |
| Congregationalist      | Shit that happens to one person is just as good shit as shit that happens to all others. |
| Universalist           | Shit that happens to one person is shit that happens to all others.                      |
| Lutheran               | If shit happens, don't talk about it.                                                    |
| Fundamentalism         | If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again (Amen!)                  |
| Creationism            | God made all shit                                                                        |
| Secular Humanism       | Shit evolves                                                                             |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happens to us?                                                 |
| Quakers                | Let us not fight over this shit.                                                         |
| Unitarianism           | Come let us reason together about this shit.                                             |
| Utopianism             | This shit does not stink.                                                                |
| Darwinism              | This shit was once food.                                                                 |
| Nazism                 | Eat this shit.                                                                           |
| Capitalism             | That's my shit.                                                                          |
| Communism              | It's everybody's shit.                                                                   |
| Feminism               | Men are shit.                                                                            |
| Chauvinism             | We may be shit, but you can't live without us...                                         |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happens to us?                                                 |
| Commercialism          | Let's package this shit.                                                                 |
| Impressionism          | From a distance, this shit looks like a garden.                                          |
| Idolatry               | Let's bronze this shit.                                                                  |
| Existentialism         | Shit doesn't happen, shit IS.                                                            |
| Empiricism             | You stepped in shit.                                                                     |
| Hedonism               | There is nothing like a good shit happening!                                             |
| Christian Science      | When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray.                                           |
| Scientology            | If shit happens, see "Dianetics" p.157                                                   |
| Jehovah's Witnesses    | Knock Knock. Shit happens                                                                |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happens to us?                                                 |
| Zoroastrianism         | Shit happens half of the time.                                                           |
| Practical              | Deal with shit one day at a time.                                                        |
| Satanism               | SNEPPAH TIHS                                                                             |
| Santerianism           | Chicken Shit                                                                             |
| Nihilism               | No shit                                                                                  |
| VooDoo                 | Sticking pins in your enemy's shit.                                                      |
| Freudian Analysis      | Sticking pins in your parent's shit.                                                     |
| Jungian Analysis       | Sticking pins in your own shit.                                                          |
| Transactional Analysis | Deny of sticking pins in anyone's shit.                                                  |
| Paganism               | Shitting in the woods.                                                                   |
| Survivalism            | Don't tread on my shit!                                                                  |
| Militianism            | Shoot the shit!                                                                          |
| Judaism                | Why does this shit always happens to us?                                                 |
| Rastafarianism         | This is good shit, mon!                                                                  |