8.6 KiB
8.6 KiB
Outhouse Guide to World Religions
| Taoism | Shit happens. |
| Confucianism | Confucius says, "Shit Happens." |
| Buddhism | If shit happens, it isn't really shit. |
| Islam | If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. |
| Hinduism | This shit happened before. |
| Mormonism | This shit is going to happen again. |
| Beginning Zen | What is the sound of shit happening? |
| Advanced Zen | Shit is, and is not. |
| Calvinism | Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Catholicism | Shit happens because you are bad. |
| Karma | If shit happens, you deserve it |
| Protestantism | Let this shit happen to someone else. |
| Stoicism | This shit is good for me. |
| Christian Science | Shit is only in your imagination. |
| Seventh Day Adventist | No shit on Saturdays. |
| Hedonism | There isn't anything like a good shit happening. |
| Moonies | Only happy shit happens. |
| Hare Krishna | Shit happens rama rama. |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Davidians | Let's shoot and burn our own shit. |
| Church of Scientology | Purge yourself of harmful shit - only $50,000 |
| Shinto | Chop the shit. |
| Russian Orthodox | Holy shit (no more communism!) |
| Agnostic | Not sure about shit. |
| Shaolin | Destroy bad shits with Kung Fu. |
| Existentialism | What is shit, anyway? |
| Atheism | What shit? |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happen to us? |
| Presbyterian | This shit was bound to happen. |
| Episcopalian | It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it. |
| Methodist | It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it. |
| Congregationalist | Shit that happens to one person is just as good shit as shit that happens to all others. |
| Universalist | Shit that happens to one person is shit that happens to all others. |
| Lutheran | If shit happens, don't talk about it. |
| Fundamentalism | If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again (Amen!) |
| Creationism | God made all shit |
| Secular Humanism | Shit evolves |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happens to us? |
| Quakers | Let us not fight over this shit. |
| Unitarianism | Come let us reason together about this shit. |
| Utopianism | This shit does not stink. |
| Darwinism | This shit was once food. |
| Nazism | Eat this shit. |
| Capitalism | That's my shit. |
| Communism | It's everybody's shit. |
| Feminism | Men are shit. |
| Chauvinism | We may be shit, but you can't live without us… |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happens to us? |
| Commercialism | Let's package this shit. |
| Impressionism | From a distance, this shit looks like a garden. |
| Idolatry | Let's bronze this shit. |
| Existentialism | Shit doesn't happen, shit IS. |
| Empiricism | You stepped in shit. |
| Hedonism | There is nothing like a good shit happening! |
| Christian Science | When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray. |
| Scientology | If shit happens, see "Dianetics" p.157 |
| Jehovah's Witnesses | Knock Knock. Shit happens |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happens to us? |
| Zoroastrianism | Shit happens half of the time. |
| Practical | Deal with shit one day at a time. |
| Satanism | SNEPPAH TIHS |
| Santerianism | Chicken Shit |
| Nihilism | No shit |
| VooDoo | Sticking pins in your enemy's shit. |
| Freudian Analysis | Sticking pins in your parent's shit. |
| Jungian Analysis | Sticking pins in your own shit. |
| Transactional Analysis | Deny of sticking pins in anyone's shit. |
| Paganism | Shitting in the woods. |
| Survivalism | Don't tread on my shit! |
| Militianism | Shoot the shit! |
| Judaism | Why does this shit always happens to us? |
| Rastafarianism | This is good shit, mon! |